Aquapoopic Complex Disorder (APCD)

An expert panel of consulting neurologists and clinical psychiatrists has just concluded a conference,  held in my cell (since they dare not let me out, not even under restraint with guardians).

They concluded that I am patient-zero of a rapidly-mutating viral global pandemic. This maliciously infectious agent has been determined permanently debilitating and in specific cases, potentially terminal.

Therefor, it has been recommended to the sub-Committee on Deliberate Neurological Disorders in the forthcoming DSM-VII, that Aquapoopics Complex Disorder (APCD) be formally recognized, defined and elevated to sublethal pandemic status.

Symptomology  (partial):

  • blatant bilateral cortical atrophy,
  • deliberate cognitive dysfunction,
  • unmediated misapprehension with erroneous content processing,
  • exceptional persistent delusional content,
  • recurrent psychotic episodes
  • overt pretentious grandiosity,
  • extensive gley cell necrosis, bilateral
  • functional synaptic disentanglement, voluntary
  • clinical sub-moronic affections (not to be confused with affectations)
  • serial willful perversion of reality,
  • clinical cybernetic hyper-voyeurism,
  • extreme preference and fixation on ‘alternative’ (alleged) realities,
  • categorical denial of evidence, fact and merit,
  • premeditated subterfuge absent any purpose,
  • euphoric conviction in overt fantasy,
  • dissociative microcephalic degression,
  • obsessive unproductive masturbation,
  • hyper-extensive psychotic breaks (public),
  • rigid schizoid behaviorisms,
  • temporal emotive blunting and/or visionary identity trauma,
  • speculative cognitive bias addiction(s)
  • hyper-selective cognitive disarray
  • consistent hyper-aggressive ego display,
  • sub-traumatic disassociation with objectivity,
  • obsessive-compulsive digital tactile feedback (typing) disorder,
  • physiological addiction to fondling, sniffing and throwing feces.
  • room temperature IQ ( °Ré, Reaumur scale)
  • et al.

Prognosis:  Terminal (self-selected).

Orders:  Antipsychotic and palliative therapeutics only.  5-point restraint recommended.

Oops, gotta go!  Nurse Hotty just came by with my morning’s veinous java and brain candy … gobble-gobble …

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